Healing, Humor, and Honesty: Insights from Diana’s World with Guest Diana

Diana [00:00:00]:
How are you guys

G-Rex [00:00:01]:
doing? I'm spectacular.

Dirty Skittles [00:00:04]:
I'm battling a little cold, but

Diana [00:00:06]:
Oh, no.

Dirty Skittles [00:00:06]:
No. It just adds adds to the the essence.

Diana [00:00:09]:
Yeah. Yeah. Makes the episode a little little different.

Dirty Skittles [00:00:13]:
I know. How are you doing?

Diana [00:00:16]:
Pretty good. Pretty good. I actually ended up moving back to Florida from Tennessee a few weeks ago. So addition to whole change of everything.

Dirty Skittles [00:00:26]:
How's that been?

Diana [00:00:28]:
It's been good. Yeah. I needed to come back For sure. I feel, like, more free and back in my community, back with my support system, so it's been really good for me. Yeah.

Dirty Skittles [00:00:38]:
That's nice. And, like, beautiful weather. Right?

Diana [00:00:41]:
Yep. There's no cold here. That doesn't exist here. So at least not down south.

Dirty Skittles [00:00:46]:
Do you think you'll miss it? No.

Diana [00:00:51]:
I don't, to be honest. Yeah. I haven't missed it yet. So The weird thing about leaving home and coming back When you've been gone for a long time, you can actually feel, like, how different you've become since you've been gone. So when I came back, it was really weird because, like, for the 1st couple of days, I was like, man, I'm not I could tell I wasn't the same person that I was when I left. And it took me, like, a few days to kind of readjust, readapt, and feel like, okay. I'm back in the what used to be my normal. I'm back.

Diana [00:01:38]:
But I still you can still feel that change because it's been such a a distance between me and my home. So that's a cool thing about, like, leaving and coming back.

Dirty Skittles [00:01:46]:
Yeah. Yeah. No. I I I I agree. Because you're almost looking at it, I don't wanna say an older version of you, but a more wise. You know, just adding at it through a different through a different lens. So it's pretty cool.

Diana [00:02:00]:
Yeah. Exactly.

G-Rex [00:02:01]:
Welcome to another episode of shit that goes on in our heads. Today, we have an amazing guest. Her name is Diane. Diane, welcome to shipping goes on in our heads. How are you today?

Diana [00:02:12]:
Thank you for having me. I'm super excited. I'm feeling

G-Rex [00:02:15]:
great. That's awesome. So, tell us a little bit about yourself.

Diana [00:02:21]:
Yeah. So I am 32. I am a Floridian just because I've lived here most of my life, although I was born in New York and I live in a couple of other states. I'm a Virgo. If anybody's into zodiac signs, I'm a Virgo. So shout out to all my Virgos out there. I have my own podcast as well, which it talks about healing and and diving deeper into yourself to to grow and become better. I'm a creative too.

Diana [00:02:54]:
I one of my passions is music. And Even though I have a full time job, on this side, I've been, like, practicing music in all different aspects of writing and and production. So In the future, I hope to be an artist of some sort. Yeah. That's pretty much that's pretty much me.

Dirty Skittles [00:03:13]:
Nice.

Diana [00:03:13]:
In a in a in a small thing.

Dirty Skittles [00:03:16]:
Tell our listeners what your podcast is called.

Diana [00:03:19]:
It's called It's Not About Me, because the whole point is that I don't wanna just talk about my own experiences, But I want to, also have other people come on my show, which I have a few guests coming on, talking about their experiences. And, also, just the point of me sharing is not just for myself, but in the hopes that what I share will help other people who have maybe have gone through the same thing as me.

Dirty Skittles [00:03:42]:
Yeah. Are you open to talking about your journey in healing with our listeners?

Diana [00:03:47]:
Absolutely. I'm still healing, but I'm definitely I'm on my way. Yeah.

Dirty Skittles [00:03:52]:
Alright. Yeah. I mean, I can relate to that. Right? Like, I think everybody has a story. Everybody has something that they're, you know, trying to overcome or find closure on or or just whatever. But I don't think it ever ends. I think you're always learning and healing from one thing or another. Right?

Diana [00:04:15]:
Yeah. I agree. Especially because as you get older, you get broken differently than when you're younger. You're it's like a constant It's a constant hurt that you go through, and, especially, it's new things too because the things that hurt you when you're younger, you kind of Overcome them when you're an adult and you gain perspective, but then as adult, you face new challenges. As you get older, you face new challenges. So it's a constant process sense of, like, being broken and being shaped at the same time for sure.

G-Rex [00:04:45]:
Man. I I can so relate to that. So, like, over the weekend, I slipped and fell at our back door. And Literally broken in different directions. Literally, like, Slipped and fell, landed straight on my back, did the whole yeardle yeardle the turtle for, like, 10 minutes before I can wipe myself. Yeah. But, you know, Same kind of healing. Right? Like, what if I had done that 20 years ago, I probably would've, like, jumped right back up.

G-Rex [00:05:13]:
It It literally took it took the wind out of me. It took me 10 minutes to write myself. And then I was mad at myself. Right? Like, I should have, Like, literally, so I shouldn't have done that. So, you know, those constant reminders of, like, I'm not getting younger. I'm getting older. And as I get older, I get a little slow, right, in my whole thought process. So I get mad at myself for that, and I'm trying to Trying to be better and, like, not beat myself up because, you know, it happens.

G-Rex [00:05:41]:
I'm I'm just thankful nobody saw me do it because, my My whole like, I was just embarrassed, and I was, like, real and I was fine that day. The next day, I felt like I got hit by a car. Yeah. And and there's some days, like, emotionally, I feel that way too. Like, I'm fine one day, and the next day, I I feel like I mean, a dryer. You're just spinning around and around and around.

Diana [00:06:07]:
For sure. Yeah. I feel like I always think that there's, like, a a direct connection between, like, our external and our internal lives. And, like, that's such a good example how your body literally gets older just like Our internal also gets older, and we do get more fragile, I think, in a lot of ways internally too when we get older. So there's always, like, parallel there between, like, our physical bodies and and our lives. But yeah.

Dirty Skittles [00:06:33]:
Yeah. This is real good. Like, I I this is like I'm like, okay. Hey. Yeah. Like, I'm already losing my stuff.

Diana [00:06:40]:
I know. Like,

Dirty Skittles [00:06:41]:
shit, man. That's deep, but it's true.

G-Rex [00:06:45]:
It's true. Just wait till you turn 60. Hey. I'm I'm just telling you.

Dirty Skittles [00:06:49]:
I thought when I turned 30, everything started just to fall parts. So don't tell me 60. It happens again. Is it, like, every 30 years? Like, I don't know. Looking looking back on the path that you've taken so far. Has there ever been a time that you've been broken that you'd never that you thought, oh, this is it. I'm not coming back from this, or was it natural like, is it a natural instinct in yourself to heal and to find a way through it?

Diana [00:07:20]:
I definitely have never had the perspective of, like, staying broken or, like, staying at rock bottom In terms of, like, pain, I always I am definitely, like, a resilient person, and that comes a lot to do with just the way that I grew up in my environment. You kind of when you grow up in in kind of, like, a hard environment I mean, it depends on your personality because some people do Don't do well with that, and they kind of have a defeatist mindset. But just me and my own personality, I definitely look at it as opposite. I'm the type of person that I like to overcome, and I like to learn, and I like to just, like, move forward. I don't like to live in the past or Anything. I like to challenge myself, and I like to grow, and I like to face those challenges head on and face my fears head on. As as hard as it can be, It definitely makes you better and more mature. And and, you know, you appreciate things in life, and you see things through different perspective when you start to Kind of, like, face those things and and look at things from different points of view.

Diana [00:08:29]:
So, yeah, I definitely will never I don't think I'll ever be the type of person to say this is it. Like, never. I I don't think I'll ever face a situation where I'll just, like, give up. I think, like, instinctively, we all are, like, survivors, and we literally have an instinct to survive when we're faced with a threat. So I think that I'll always have that kind of fight or flight. And for the most part, I'm always, like, fight instead of flight. I'll at least I try to be.

Dirty Skittles [00:08:54]:
Do you do you think that it was something you learned or you saw when you were younger?

Diana [00:09:00]:
I think it's I think it's a little bit of Both. Because I watched my mom I live in a single parent household with a single mom and and an older sister, and I watched my mom pretty much my whole life Just, like, move forward. Like, whenever she struggle with something, she didn't let it bring her down. She just found solutions, and she just move forward, and she provided, and she took care of us no matter what it took. So I definitely think that I learned that from my mom, just that hardworking fighter mentality. But, definitely, I think it's also a part of just who I am. Just Yeah. Wanting to be someone who is an overcomer and not someone who is, like who uses Things as an excuse to kind of, like, you know, live in a a state of mind where you're, like, negative and pessimistic.

Diana [00:09:44]:
I'm the opposite. I'll take a hard situation, and I'll try to learn from it, and I'll just move forward. That's just naturally what what feels right to me.

Dirty Skittles [00:09:52]:
Yeah. When you notice that you might be starting to feel a little negative or a little down about something, is there, like, self talk use, or is there something that you help that helps you kind of snap into the fight mode.

Diana [00:10:05]:
Yeah. I mean, Besides prayer because I I go to church, and I'm a Christian, so I pray. But I also rely on not that much. I wanna be better at this. But if If I'm going through something really, really bad, I'll usually, like, reach out to, like, a really close friend of mine, and I'll vent. I'm not great at that, though. I'm not the type of person to really rely on other people. I've been trying to work on it because I know that it's a necessary thing.

Diana [00:10:33]:
But, Really, it's just, like, a good meltdown really helps me. Like, sometimes I just need to get that emotion out. Yes. I need to cry it out, Cry it out. Cry it out. And I always feel so much better once I just get it out of my system. But I definitely Definitely just have that mindset, like, just move forward. You have mindset of before, move forward, move forward.

Diana [00:10:56]:
I I I'm trying now that I've gotten older and I've learned and and and matured more. I actively tell myself It's okay that you're feeling this way because that's something that I didn't do before. Like, I would repress a lot when I was younger, and that is obviously the opposite of what you wanna do. So these days when I'm really going through it, which I have, I just tell myself, you know what? You're gonna feel exactly what you're feeling. You're gonna cry if you wanna cry. You're not gonna Convince yourself that you're feeling anything other than what you're feeling. And, like, just allowing yourself to sit with your pain and to just, like, Be free to feel exactly how you feel without trying to, like, make everything better and be missus optimistic, which I feel like a lot of people, you know, Feel like they need to do. That has also been really helpful because then that is has a lot to do with the real healing process.

Diana [00:11:46]:
It's like Really feeling it. You have to feel it in order to get through it. You can't just be like, oh, no. It's okay. Like, it doesn't really back me. That's not really there. Then it's just gonna come up again and come up again and come up again, and then you'll never actually get it out.

Dirty Skittles [00:12:01]:
Yeah. And it just transforms. Exactly.

G-Rex [00:12:04]:
I can totally relate to that. So, like, in December when all the shit went down, you know, when I was finally able to find my footing and find my My boys. Right? I did sit with it. Like, I shed hold during the scandals. I cried more in 3 days That I probably did in 7 years. Right? And I I finally just came to terms with everything, and I quit trying to be strong and, you know, I got from my wife and therapy and and my friends. Like, they all held me up, and I couldn't call myself back. It it it's Probably was the darkest time of my life.

G-Rex [00:12:41]:
And, you know, I I look back on it now, and I I'm almost thankful that it happened. Right? Because on the outside, I'm a very happy go lucky person. And then on the inside, I was Which is time. Like, like, I had so much pain and grief and heartache and crap that happened in a really short amount time. It happened in 3 months, and I'm I'm really thankful that it happened because I I needed for all that to happen to be where I am today Yeah. And and be in a much better headspace.

Dirty Skittles [00:13:19]:
Yeah. And I think allowing yourself that space to go through it and to feel it and to acknowledge it lets you move past it or through it, I should say. Yeah. For me, one of the things that I learned in therapy because I think I can relate to what you were saying earlier. You know, I I think for the most part, I learned to well, it was a learned behavior to sort of just pretend like everything was fine. And, you know, what you're feeling is you're probably overreacting or I would minimize those emotions or just completely pretend like they weren't there. Like, I can I can get past this if I just pretend like it didn't happen? And then therapy, one of the things that really helped me and actually still helps me today recognize that what I'm feeling is valid. Is if I do get upset or really sad about something, I have to ask myself, Is this something somebody else could feel in this situation? And it's and it's it's usually always yes.

Dirty Skittles [00:14:18]:
Right? Like, I've never been like, no. Nobody like, I'm like, yeah. This is a feeling someone else is allowed to have in this situation. Like, if I was looking at it from an outsider's perspective. I would understand that they felt that way. And so it's allowed me to recognize my own emotions and that they're normal. Well, quote, unquote, normal. They're valid that you can feel those things, and that's usually, like, the doorway to healing.

Dirty Skittles [00:14:44]:
So for me.

Diana [00:14:46]:
You know? I relate to that too really hardcore. Like, before I moved back home a few weeks ago, like, I was Conflicted about whether I should stay and whether I should go, and I felt kinda guilty about leaving because I felt like I should have stayed. Or, like, I felt like I was expected to stay because it's a different place and it's a different opportunity. And I felt like kind of, Like, this guilt about wanting to come back home. And I even though I was feeling really bad, like, I literally I felt like I was on the edge of just, like, falling into a depression being there. It still didn't feel like I was allowed to chase something that I wanted. And then I was thinking I was like, well, the phone one of my friends me that they were feeling this way. I would tell them, yeah.

Diana [00:15:27]:
Go home. Like, what are you talking about? You're you're feeling terrible. Go home. That's what you clearly need to do. And for some reason, I I I I wasn't allowing myself to to do that for myself. Like, to have that enough of self love to say, yeah. You need this. Go home.

Diana [00:15:43]:
So I think it is super helpful to think like, okay. If somebody else, like you said, was feeling this way, like, it's okay. It's a normal feeling.

Dirty Skittles [00:15:52]:
Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy what that can do for you in that moment, especially if you're used to ignoring it or pretending like Mhmm.

G-Rex [00:15:58]:
Or it's not a Yeah. Just for Pretending that everything's okay and trying to move on. But in the meantime, like, you're getting more and more and more depressing. Mhmm. And, like, trying to keep that front up gets harder and harder and harder to do until you just you couldn't do them.

Diana [00:16:16]:
Mhmm.

G-Rex [00:16:17]:
And, you know, I'm I'm guilty of that. I will tell you the fact that they would have it again, though, because I now have the tools that I need to figure out how to get past that.

Dirty Skittles [00:16:30]:
Yeah. Yeah. That reminds me of something else that I learned in therapy, like, related to to, I guess, coming to terms or finding closure on, like, trauma childhood trauma. Once I got to a place where I could breathe, and I was okay, and I I moved past it finally. Right? Like, it's no longer my my burden to carry it. Like, I don't I don't have to do that. I remember and I don't know if either of you have felt this, but, like, I remember being anxious, wondering when is that day gonna come where I'm gonna feel all of those feelings again? And then realizing that the the other shoe never has to drop. Right? Like, if you've truly moved past something.

Dirty Skittles [00:17:16]:
It never comes back. You know? You've moved on. Like, it's done. And that has been, like, my favorite part of my personal journey through therapy is, like, knowing, finally. That shit's done. It ain't gotta come back anymore. I don't have to fucking carry this weight.

Diana [00:17:32]:
I'm good.

Dirty Skittles [00:17:33]:
Yeah. That was a freeing, freeing moment. What is one of the biggest lessons you've learned in your in your life.

Diana [00:17:43]:
One of the biggest lessons I've learned, and I talk about this too on one of my episodes, is that we are Our emotional being, I feel like emotions are something that people negative or not even negative. First of all, There is no such thing as a negative emotion. It's just an emotion. So I feel like that's already just a bad perspective that we have. But I think sometimes we're scared to feel anything other than happy, especially when we're with other people. It's like we're scared to feel sad or angry or upset about x y z thing. And the reality is that those emotions are guides for us. And when we feel something that's uncomfortable, whether it be sadness or anger.

Diana [00:18:27]:
It's important to follow that emotion to the root and figure out what's actually causing it. Because a lot of times. I feel like because we repress so much, there's a lot of little things. It gets to a point where there's a lot of little things that set us off. Mhmm. And it's because we've repressed so much. So now we're at the point that we're, like like, right at the water.

Dirty Skittles [00:18:48]:
Mhmm.

Diana [00:18:49]:
And when immediately, when you You already start feeling, like, these emotions. It's important to say, okay. What actually where is this emotion coming from? You know? Why am I feeling this way? What is that cause me to feel this way? And that gives you a lot of information about who you are as a person and why like, what is it that triggers you and why? So, like, one of the things that I talk about When I'm when I started kind of trying to dive deeper into my emotions and what's causing them, it's like, okay. I tend to get upset When when I feel like somebody is telling me that they don't love me As much as I love them. So if somebody does something where I feel like they're not meeting me halfway, like, if I'm giving a lot and I feel like they're not reciprocating Or they're not giving as much to me. I get upset because I'm thinking, okay. They obviously don't love me as much as as I love them. Right? That's actually the root of that emotion, and that's a part of who I am.

Diana [00:19:43]:
I need to feel like other people love me as much as I love them. So it's like when you start really Analyzing those emotions and going deeper, you get information about you. And that information is important for you to know, and it's important for other people to know. Right? So you could be like, hey. I feel this way Because of this. And then that way people know you more and understand you more, and they try to work with you and adjust and you know? It's it's important to know that we our emotional and that our emotions are a part of who we are and that we feel them for a reason. They're they're it's like when you touch a hot So and you feel pain. It's kinda the same thing.

Diana [00:20:16]:
Like, the pain is there to show you something's wrong, same thing with emotions. Something's something's good or something's bad. Something's going on, you're feeling something for a reason. That for me was a big lesson.

Dirty Skittles [00:20:27]:
Me taking notes of all the things you're teaching right now, I'm like, Oh, our emotions are guides.

Diana [00:20:33]:
They are. They really are.

G-Rex [00:20:35]:
It's kinda like having your Spidey sense. Right? It's Spidey Yes. A gut reaction.

Diana [00:20:40]:
Yes.

G-Rex [00:20:42]:
So, like, one of the things I talked about talked about in another episode is, like, my car went through all this shit. I I, I'm a true empath, so I so got everybody else to. But I I learned this tool. It's called the drama box. So it Drama doesn't get to come to the box anymore unless I let it in. And it's been a very helpful tool. I hate it. Just the the sheer amount of, like, better sleep than I'm getting.

G-Rex [00:21:10]:
And and the fact that I can I can still care, but I'm not gonna take the pain Because that's something that they need to do with them? They need to figure out their emotions to get themselves in check. But I I can still be empathetic, but I'm not gonna suck up all that energy because that that it's bad for me.

Dirty Skittles [00:21:36]:
You know? Man. And I can attest because I feel like you and I have had conversations, and you're like, man, I let something come into my drama box, and I lost sleep last night. I'm never doing that again. And, like, you do actively use it. So, yeah. That's a good analogy. Yeah.

G-Rex [00:21:55]:
I was just gonna say it's all about boundaries, man.

Dirty Skittles [00:21:57]:
It is. It's healthy boundaries.

G-Rex [00:21:59]:
Healthy boundaries. Mhmm.

Dirty Skittles [00:22:02]:
Yeah. Okay. I have a couple of silly little questions that I've started to ask that I don't know. I like

Diana [00:22:09]:
them for it.

Dirty Skittles [00:22:11]:
If you could go back in time to an earlier version of yourself and give yourself advice. What would you say and how old would you be?

Diana [00:22:24]:
I would go back to when I was 5 Because I remember when I was 5, when you're at that age, you start envisioning your future, at least for me. I don't know if that's how it is for everyone else, but I remember when I was that I would start I I would imagine my future and be like, okay. At in the future, I'm gonna be married. I'm gonna have kids. I'm gonna have a career. I'm gonna have all these things. And I would go back To that little girl and say, girl, don't try to plan your future, period, honestly. And don't that things are gonna go the way that it goes for someone else or in a specific order or anything.

Diana [00:23:04]:
Just Live your life, and don't worry so much about the future. Because that that is something that I still do. I like, I'm the type of person that I live in the future, And I'm trying really hard to focus on living in the present, but it's really difficult for me to stay in the moment. So, hopefully, I if I would have maybe been able to tell myself when I was a girl, maybe I wouldn't struggle with it so much, but definitely live in the moment, and don't worry so much about the future.

Dirty Skittles [00:23:26]:
Yeah. One thing that, I don't know that it would like, I'm not offering this as as advice. But one thing that my therapist had me do that I actually it's still like, I I'm still annoyed about it. But for me, because I'm I tend to think like you. Like, I'm trying to plan everything out, And I'm already, like, 10 steps ahead of where I am right now. Right? And so she, one day, as an exercise told me, You know what I want you to do is I want you to take 30 minutes at the end of your day, beginning whenever, 30 minutes in your day, and then I want you to sit down because I like to create too. I like art and all that stuff. Am I good at it? No.

Dirty Skittles [00:24:04]:
But I like it. So she's like, take 30 minutes. Sit with your canvas, your paints, and just paint, but don't prep what you're gonna paint. Don't go online and get a picture. Don't Think about anything. Like, you put music on, but just sit there and just do whatever comes to mind, and I froze. I sat there with my music, had a glass of wine, like, Set it up as good as it could be. A candle burning.

Dirty Skittles [00:24:29]:
I'm like, I'm gonna get into this moment. And I froze because I was like, I don't know what I'm gonna paint. Like, should I go on Pinterest? Should I go on, like, watch a YouTube Bob Ross and try to copy and and do whatever other people were doing, but I knew I wasn't supposed to. Mhmm. And it took me, like, 10 minutes to sort of just settle with the idea of it doesn't have to be perfect. I don't have to prepare for it. I don't have to have a game plan. Just be in that moment.

Dirty Skittles [00:24:59]:
And I painted I wish I had it down here. I ended up painting a portrait of my dog, and it is the grossest thing ever, but I laughed to the whole thing. Like, I was laughing so hard that I was crying and wheezing. Like, I was like, this is so horrible, but it was so freeing. Yeah. And I loved it. At the end of it, I was like, that was fun. But in the moment, I'm like, I fucking hate that I can't, like, go prep this out and, like, draw it 1st and then paint.

Dirty Skittles [00:25:27]:
Like, no. It was, like, just be in that moment and do whatever you feel you should do. And, yeah, it was really cool.

Diana [00:25:33]:
I'll try that for sure. I might freeze too, but Yeah. Give it a shot.

Dirty Skittles [00:25:38]:
Because I was like, somebody's gonna see this, and what are they gonna think? I'm like Right. I just throw it away after? Like, we still have it upstairs because everybody laughs.

Diana [00:25:46]:
Nice. Oh, I love

G-Rex [00:25:47]:
Yeah. I'm gonna say it next week. I'm gonna critique it. Some. You will.

Diana [00:25:51]:
Part 2. Just

Dirty Skittles [00:25:52]:
remind me. Yeah. Well, that'll be in the real. It's like this horrible painting of a dog. Love that. Okay. Would you change anything about your journey?

Diana [00:26:09]:
I would not change anything about my journey because I have learned a lot. And, honestly, I've grown so much In a way that I don't know that I would have if I would have had, like, a different life. And I still have a lot to learn and a lot to more ways to grow, but I like who I am and who I am today, and that is because of everything that I've experienced in my whole journey. It's weird because, like, Sometimes I imagine in my dramatic mind, of what it would be like if I, like, ended up in a coma and I lost my memory. And Every time I think about that, I'm like, I would hate for that to happen for me to have to start all over. Like, I know so much now, and I've grown so much. Like, it Scares me to think of not being here, not, like, not being who I am and having to start all the process all over again. So I definitely wouldn't change anything.

Dirty Skittles [00:27:02]:
Good answer. Good answer.

G-Rex [00:27:06]:
I I I just really liked your perspective on, like, dealing with, your emotions to the here and now. Right? Not putting them on the back burner. Like, just sitting with it And figuring it out. And you know what? It's okay to cry. Let me tell you. That is the most cathartic thing ever. I don't care if you're a woman, a man, a child. It's the most historic thing that I've ever felt.

G-Rex [00:27:34]:
And, I also like, you know, just your whole perspective on, like, you know, looking out into the future. Like, I Can't do that. I live for yeah. I I live for today. It's really hard for me to see To see the future. Right? I've gone through a couple of experiences in my life, and I think that that's really set me for where I am now, so I live for that moment.

Diana [00:28:04]:
And That's awesome.

G-Rex [00:28:06]:
And, also, just I remember listening to to Liz And her

Dirty Skittles [00:28:11]:
Yeah.

G-Rex [00:28:12]:
Her message to us was, you know, live for today because, like, you don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow. So I make every day count now. Mhmm. And so that that for me is is huge. But I I love her story, and I love that, you know, You're out there. You're trying to see you move back home. And you know what? There's nothing wrong with moving back home. Not a not a damn thing.

Dirty Skittles [00:28:34]:
If this was a time capsule, right, and let's say in, like, 10 years, you'll come back and hear this episode, what is your current stance and philosophy that you would say to yourself.

Diana [00:28:47]:
I would say that There is a lot of power and acceptance and accepting who you are as an individual, that you shouldn't be afraid of stepping into the light because that's also a fear that I have, And that you should remember that you that your story matters and continue to tell that story.

Dirty Skittles [00:29:19]:
I love that.

G-Rex [00:29:21]:
I love that. Yep. Everybody's story matters. You know?

Diana [00:29:26]:
It does. And that's something that I'm learning too. Like, it it's it is crazy because when you think about your own self, You sometimes don't even realize how much you have to offer. But when you think about the other people in your life, you're like, oh my gosh. Like, that person has affected me so much in such a positive way. They've influenced

G-Rex [00:29:43]:
me so positively. Like, you see the amazingness in other people

Diana [00:29:43]:
and, like, the me so positively. Like, you see the amazingness in other people and, like, the potential in other people. And sometimes when you think about yourself, you're like, nah. Like, I'm just a regular

Dirty Skittles [00:29:53]:
old bulk.

G-Rex [00:29:54]:
You know?

Diana [00:29:54]:
Like, I got nobody's gonna, like, learn anything from me, but it is crazy how many how many there are between people and how many connections exist and how many experiences are the same. And and, honestly, sometimes people are further than you, and, like, I can be further than other people, and I do have things that I've learned that maybe other people haven't learned yet. So it is important to not, like, Not look at yourself that lowly and just, like, understand. Your experience does matter, and it it can help other people.

Dirty Skittles [00:30:27]:
That's That's, like, the one thing that I've learned talking to everybody that we've gotten a chance to speak with and hear everybody's story that even though, you know, their story is not mine, I can relate to either how they felt in that moment because of something that I have experienced myself. And and oftentimes, what I find happening now is that somebody is able to give words to something I felt, but didn't know how to express it.

Diana [00:30:55]:
Mhmm.

Dirty Skittles [00:30:55]:
So it's like, like, like, that's hit me a couple of times this season where I'm like, man, that's good. Like, that's that is so good. You know?

Diana [00:31:03]:
And it's so, like, so

Dirty Skittles [00:31:04]:
simple, but it's like an emotion that I haven't put words to yet. And so, like, that's been Mhmm. Has been very rewarding. And, like, you're like, bro, I wrote down 2 things already that you said. Like, we're when we get older, we're broke

Diana [00:31:17]:
yeah. When we get

Dirty Skittles [00:31:18]:
older, we're broken in different ways. I'm like, So right.

Diana [00:31:22]:
It it's so true.

Dirty Skittles [00:31:24]:
Yeah. And our emotions are our guides.

Diana [00:31:26]:
Yeah. And They really are. And another thing that I've realized too about emotions is, like, it's it's weird. And I don't know if this is, like, relatable or not, but sometimes I'm afraid to show emotion because I'm afraid to show how empathetic I am. I don't want people to see how how much I care. So sometimes I avoid, like, Having certain conversations. I like, when I was younger, I couldn't even look people in the eye. Like, if they were crying, like, I would look Away because if I see somebody crying, if it's, like, really deep, like, I'll start crying.

Dirty Skittles [00:31:58]:
Yeah.

Diana [00:31:58]:
And, like, I I wouldn't want anybody to know that I was that, You know, sensitive about other people. So I would literally look away because I had to. Otherwise, I would start crying. And that's still something that I'm trying to get over this, like, This fear of people kinda really seeing you, like, really deeply and, like, understanding who you are in a deep way. For some reason, I struggle with People knowing how how deeply empathetic I am and that which is why I hide my emotions sometimes. So that's another thing about emotions. Like, Sometimes you hide them because they are so true to to who you are, and you're, like, being exposed so profoundly that you're like, no. I don't want anybody to Stevie.

Diana [00:32:35]:
No. I can't cry in front of anybody because then they're gonna see me. And it's like, we have to get to a place of comfort where where it's okay, like, if people see us. You know? Because That opens up a lot of doors for connection between between people. So

Dirty Skittles [00:32:48]:
That's what I was gonna ask you if you thought it was if it related at all to being vulnerable. Because that's how I yeah. I'll relate, stuff like that. Like, I'm like, oh my god. I don't want anybody to see how vulnerable I am. And it's usually because I'm Mhmm. I'm not like, I like to even think ahead of, like, how will I handle myself in that situation. So when something actually catches me off guard, I'm like, Not prepared.

Diana [00:33:11]:
Not prepared.

G-Rex [00:33:13]:
What's gonna

Diana [00:33:13]:
happen to

Dirty Skittles [00:33:14]:
your nose? Yeah.

G-Rex [00:33:17]:
It's funny you say that because, like, I'm a truly, Like, 100%. I like the heart on my sleeve. Mhmm. I'm an empath, and I I can't hide my emotions. I've I've tried, but I I I I can't. Like, on the on the exterior when all this was going down, I was very soon as to the test. I came off as, like, a a really, like, happy, go lucky, super super Yeah.

Dirty Skittles [00:33:46]:
Like, nothing affected you. Yeah.

G-Rex [00:33:49]:
Yeah. On the inside, like, I wasn't holding those I was just holding those emotions in. I still had them. I just couldn't I I couldn't find a way to to display, like, how freaking sad it is. Mhmm. And that that was really hard. I'm I'm surprised I haven't also because I I really helped so much in. But now that I found my voice, apparently, I can't shut it.

G-Rex [00:34:14]:
Shut it up. Yeah.

Diana [00:34:16]:
No. Honestly yeah. And it it really is liberating when you start the Process. You just have to start. Like, when you start building and building and building internally, like, it gets harder to say something because at that point, it's so deep That you will literally sob if you open your mouth. That's how I've gotten, like, to the point that I'm just sobbing at this point because it it Started off as, like, a couple of water drops, then I just, like, kept it in and kept it in and kept it in and turned into an ocean. And now if I talk about it, I know I'm just gonna have a meltdown. To the It's definitely important to start saying something.

Diana [00:34:51]:
Like, just share something before it gets To the point where you're just like, I don't even know how to handle this anymore because I'm so deep in. Like, just share the little things because the if you share The little things, they don't become the bigger things. I mean, you'll still have to deal with them. It's not like they go away if it's, like, a serious thing, but it really does help to open up. And, like, the more you practice It's just like sharing and saying, hey. I'm sad about this. I'm sad about that. Like, it does get a little bit easier over time to start sharing, and you become more comfortable.

Diana [00:35:19]:
It's just like anything in life. It's like it's a skill. Like, anything Yeah. Anything you wanna master takes practice, and that's the same thing with, like, Sharing. Like, being open in front of other people, it takes practice just like anything else.

Dirty Skittles [00:35:33]:
That's something that having my son has taught me is I don't know exactly when it started, but I realized that for him, I wanted him to be able to understand emotions. And if I was hiding or pretending like everything was fine, I know at a certain age, he's understanding, like, something's not right. Right? Like, there's something going on. And so I remember he used to for a while when he was younger ask me, mommy, are you happy or are you sad? And he would ask just, are you this or are you that? And before I'm like, oh, no. I'm happy because I'm have you or, like, I would have some sort of response. Yeah. And then after, I'm like, I shouldn't do that. Like, I should be honest.

Dirty Skittles [00:36:14]:
I don't have to tell him, you know, the depths of why. But so I did. And this was before I started therapy. I would be like, you know what? I'm a little sad today, but it's okay. You can be sad on certain certain days, and we would have a whole open dialogue. And now, you know, he's 6. And that's one thing that I love is that he will talk about his emotions. You know what? I'm just having a really bad day.

Dirty Skittles [00:36:36]:
And I'm like, okay. Do you wanna talk about it? He's like, yeah. This is what happened. This is how it made me feel. And I'm like, oh, thank god. Because, like, I don't have that skill set, so I'm just so happy that, like, he's learning it.

Diana [00:36:46]:
That's amazing.

Dirty Skittles [00:36:47]:
It's really

G-Rex [00:36:48]:
That's good. And I I think the other thing that helps with promotions to it. I like to laugh. Right? So I try and find a little bit of levity in every situation. It may not be appropriate. Not always appropriate. But I do do try to find some activity in it because, lead laughter is a healer for me. You know, ink gets fine, darkens up, and, you know, it kinda just it it changes the tone of the room too.

G-Rex [00:37:16]:
So

Dirty Skittles [00:37:17]:
Yeah.

Diana [00:37:17]:
Yeah. Yeah. That's a good point. It doesn't always just have to be, like, the most depressing thing in the world. Like, you can you can laugh about it. It's funny sometimes. I know. I've laughed.

Diana [00:37:27]:
Yeah. Even

Dirty Skittles [00:37:28]:
if you're laughing about how, like, fucked up everything is.

G-Rex [00:37:30]:
Oh my god. Yeah.

Diana [00:37:32]:
It's so funny. Yeah.

Dirty Skittles [00:37:35]:
What do you do, Diana, for self care and self love?

Diana [00:37:39]:
Self care? I Generally, I like to be, like, a healthy person, so I try to just, like, eat well, exercise. I, like, care really, like, about my physical health. Self love. It's interesting because I Thought that I had a lot of self love before because I have a lot of self worth, and, like, I've I don't, like, suffer from low self steam. I I'm not, like, the person that has imposter syndrome. I'm, like, the opposite person. I'm like, oh, no. I'm awesome.

Diana [00:38:11]:
Like Mhmm. I have a lot to give in terms of, like, my skill set. I've always been that kind of just, like, confident person. But then I realized that, like, when I had this conflict about moving back home or staying and I didn't give myself self the ability to choose what I needed. I was like, wait a second. There's a problem there. Like, there's a there's something missing in that self love kind of concept because why couldn't I love myself enough to let myself go for what I needed. Right? So Self love is an interesting thing that I'm still kind of navigating through right now.

Diana [00:38:46]:
But self love, it's just honestly it's it's recognizing your value. It's recognizing that you were created uniquely and that, literally, you are, like, a rare thing because nobody else is like you. And when you understand that, you do love yourself because why wouldn't you, like, love something that's so really unique that no one else is. Like, you gotta look at yourself with those eyes because then you're like, oh my god. I'm awesome. Like, there's no one who's identical to me. I'm one of a kind. Like, that one of a kind perspective definitely helps with that, like, appreciation of the self and loving the self.

Diana [00:39:22]:
So, definitely, that's just my perspective, Not just about myself, but about everybody else, but that's how I continue to to love myself regardless of anything else.

Dirty Skittles [00:39:32]:
I love that. Thank you. That's I mean, this has been phenomenal. Thank you for teaching me new things, putting words to emotions I had that didn't know how to communicate them, so I appreciate you. Thank you.

Diana [00:39:44]:
I'm I'm happy to be here. Happy to be here.

Dirty Skittles [00:39:55]:
It's okay to be not okay. Just make sure you're talking to someone.